Psychology-based self-assessment
Couples Conflict Style
Every couple argues — what matters is how you fight, and how quickly you repair. Map your recurring conflict cycle and the repair strengths you already bring.
One-time purchase · Instant personalized report · About ~8 min. Start the test·Already purchased? Unlock your test
What this test measures
The assessment maps how you relate across the dimensions below — each one a spectrum, not a box.
Anxious Pursuit & Escalation
Fear of disconnection turns into urgent pursuit and protest.
A high score here describes a system that reaches toward connection the moment it feels at risk — the pursuit side of the pursue-withdraw cycle. When distance appears, urgency rises: you want the conversation resolved now, you reach for absolute words like "always" and "never", and your intensity climbs because being heard feels like survival. This is not neediness or aggression; it is a protest against disconnection, a sign of how much the bond matters to you. Your caring is loud. The growth edge is learning that the same urgency, slowed by even a minute, can land as closeness instead of pressure.
Withdrawal & Emotional Stonewalling
A flooded system protects itself by going quiet and distant.
A high score here describes what happens when a system becomes flooded and finds no safe way forward: it goes quiet instead. Words disappear, answers turn flat, and retreat — into a phone, a task, another room — starts to feel like the only available shelter. This is not coldness or a lack of love; it is protection, a system choosing stillness over overwhelm. Withdrawal buys calm in the moment and often costs connection later. Naming it as a signal rather than a verdict is how it becomes something you and your partner can work with together, on purpose and in your own time.
Contempt & Reactive Defensiveness
Moral superiority, sharp sarcasm, and defending the self first.
A high score here describes a protective reflex that fires under threat: defending the self first, sometimes sharply. The eye-roll, the sarcastic edge, the tally of old wrongs, the quiet certainty of being the more reasonable one — these are armor, not identity. Behind them is usually someone who feels wronged, unseen, or already behind in an argument they did not choose. Of the four patterns, this is the one most worth catching early, which is exactly why noticing it matters more than judging it. Contempt can soften once the hurt underneath it is allowed to speak.
Collaborative Repair & Softening
De-escalation pauses, vulnerability, and turning back toward each other.
A high score here describes the dimension that makes the rest workable: the ability to repair. You can feel escalation rising and call for a real pause, speak from "I feel" instead of "you always", listen to your partner's side before defending your own, and offer a genuine apology when you have been unfair. Repair is not the absence of conflict — it is the habit of turning back toward each other afterward. This is a trainable skill, and it is the strongest buffer in this profile. Even strong conflict patterns become safer when repair is reliably available.
How it works
01
Answer honestly
20 short statements about how you actually show up — rated from “Rarely / Never” to “Almost Always”. There are no right answers.
02
See your scores
Your answers are scored across 4 dimensions, including blends — because most of us aren't pure types.
03
Read your report
A personalized report walks through your profile, your strengths, your watch-outs, and one practice to start with.
Sample statements
Every statement is rated from “Rarely / Never” to “Almost Always”. Here are three from the actual test:
“When a disagreement occurs, I find it unbearable to go to sleep or take space until we resolve it immediately.”
“I tend to use sweeping words like "you always" or "you never" to convey how hurt and frustrated I feel.”
“If my partner becomes quiet or walks into another room, I follow them to keep demanding an explanation.”
What you get
One purchase unlocks the assessment and generates your personalized report the moment you finish.
Pricing
One-time purchase. No subscription — your report is yours to keep.
- Personalized AI report$19.99 value
- Shareable result card$5.00 value
- Print-ready PDF$5.00 value
Frequently asked questions
Is this couples therapy or a diagnostic tool?
No. This is a self-discovery tool inspired by Gottman-informed and EFT relationship dynamics that maps how strongly different conflict and repair patterns show up in your everyday life together. It cannot diagnose a condition or a relationship, and no score here is a clinical finding. If conflict is causing serious distress, a qualified couples counselor is the right place to turn.
How long does the test take?
About 8 minutes. There are 20 statements, each rated on a 4-point scale, and your personalized report is generated instantly when you finish.
I purchased on Etsy — how do I use the test?
The test is included in your purchase, with no separate code to redeem. To unlock it, open the unlock page and enter your Etsy order number plus the email you used at checkout — your browser then keeps the test available for about a year. No account is needed to take it.
What is a conflict profile constellation?
Your constellation is a named profile reflecting which of the four dimensions is most prominent — for example, 'The Anxious Pursuer' (pursuit and escalation leads), 'The Withdrawing Protector' (withdrawal and stonewalling leads), 'The Reactive Defender' (contempt and defensiveness leads), or 'The Repair-Maker' (collaborative repair leads). When your two highest dimensions are close, your profile adds undertones of the second, like 'The Anxious Pursuer with Withdrawal & Emotional Stonewalling Undertones'.
What do the intensity levels mean?
Each dimension is scored 1.0–4.0 and mapped to four levels: Subtle, Mild, Moderate, and Strong. Subtle means the pattern barely registers in your relationship; Strong means it is a core part of how the two of you currently handle conflict. None of the levels is better or worse — they describe texture, not quality, and every strength here is also a possible edge.
Are my answers stored anywhere?
No. Your answers live only in your own browser's temporary session storage while you take the test, and they are cleared when your session ends. We do not store your raw answers on our servers. Only if you choose to save a report does the scored result get stored with your account, so you can reopen it later.
About six minutes from now, you could see your pattern clearly.
Your answers stay on your device — you just get the report.
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